‘Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage’ by Belle Burden

Belle Burden’s Strangers: A Memoir of Marriage recounts the collapse of what she believed was a perfect, idyllic life with her husband. When he announces during the early days of Covid that their marriage is over, the revelation lands with a thump, leaving Burden to reconcile the man she thought she knew with the cold and unfamiliar person who suddenly stands before her.

The book is divided into four parts and has no traditional chapters, which would usually make me recoil. Thankfully, there are plenty of natural breaks throughout, making it easy to stop and return without losing the thread.

Burden’s writing is similarly accessible. Her recollections of earlier moments in her life are folded neatly into the central story and never feel jarring. The recurring snippets about ospreys are sweet enough reminders of her husband and the happy times they shared at their home on Martha’s Vineyard, although they never felt quite as profound as Burden perhaps intended them to be.

At its heart, Strangers shows that immense privilege cannot protect somebody from the painfully human experience of a marriage falling apart. Nor can it soften the shock of watching somebody you thought you knew inside and out perform a complete reversal and become almost unrecognisable. Burden’s emotional pain is real and I understood it, particularly when she described the astonishing coldness with which her husband treated her and their children after the separation.

Even so, I struggled to feel as sorry for her as the book seemed to expect me to, particularly when it came to her supposed financial hardship. Burden repeatedly suggests that the divorce could ruin her financially, but this comes after detailing her inherited wealth, multiple trusts worth seven figures, valuable properties in New York and Martha’s Vineyard, and a family history filled with wealth and influence.

At its heart, Strangers shows that immense privilege cannot protect somebody from the painfully human experience of a marriage falling apart.

At times, she appears conscious of how this might sound. She makes a point of acknowledging that other people are considerably worse off, including the clients she represented in immigration cases. Rather than giving her financial fears greater perspective, however, these comparisons occasionally come across as tone deaf. After reading about her trusts, properties and powerful family connections, I found myself tuning out whenever the possibility of financial ruin resurfaced.

Only after finishing the book did I discover allegations that Burden misrepresented or omitted aspects of her true financial position. I do not want that subsequent reporting to dictate my entire opinion of the memoir, but it does reinforce why the financial sections felt unconvincing to me as I was reading them.

I felt far greater sympathy for Burden when she detailed the emotional cruelty she experienced after the split. It is disturbing to read how quickly her husband appeared to discard the love and history they had shared. Yet Burden, true to her name, could also seem like a burden to herself throughout the marriage. She repeatedly relented when it came to important matters such as the prenuptial agreement, then made her husband a sandwich after he returned to the house and coldly told their children that the marriage was over.

It is not what you might expect from a lawyer who had spent her career fighting for her clients. Professionally, Burden could advocate for people at their most vulnerable, yet in her own marriage she appeared to lack that same instinct to fight for herself.

Despite its painful subject matter, Strangers is an easy and absorbing read. Burden tells her story clearly and compellingly enough that I always wanted to continue. Ultimately, though, I never connected deeply enough with Belle or with some aspects of the struggle the book presents. I believed her heartbreak, but I was considerably less convinced by the hardship surrounding it.